How to choose a couples questionnaire

Start with the conversation you want

You may be thinking about financial support, time together, communication or discretion. You may want to explore intimacy, or understand what you are comfortable discussing at all. Begin with what matters to you, including anything you want to leave private or undecided.

• Which expectations would help me understand whether this relationship could suit me?
• What do I want, what am I open to and where are my limits?
• Would answering separately help us find words for the conversation?

Ask your partner whether they would welcome this approach. You can suggest an alignment while leaving room for a direct conversation or a different way to begin.

Where Let's Arrange This fits

Let's Arrange This helps two adults who have chosen each other explore arrangement expectations, intimacy preferences, or both. It compares expectations within an existing pair; it does not find a partner for you.

When arrangement is included, the questions cover practical subjects such as support, time together, travel, experiences, hosting, discretion, communication and exclusivity. You can choose intimacy alone if practical expectations are already settled or are outside the conversation you want to have.

Each person independently decides whether to include intimacy and which categories to enable. Choosing a mode or proposing a category does not make that choice for your partner. Either of you can finish without intimate answers.

Know what your shared results can show

You each answer privately, at your own pace. Once you have both submitted, your shared results show where practical expectations align, where they may overlap and what is worth discussing. Practical topics can also be marked Unanswered. Experiences show only choices you both selected.

Intimacy results use only categories you both enable, within each person’s comfort settings. Compatible Yes/Yes answers can appear as Both enthusiastic. Compatible Yes/Maybe, Maybe/Yes and Maybe/Maybe answers can appear as Open to discussing. No, missing, skipped and inapplicable intimacy answers stay hidden, without rejection counts or an intimacy score.

“Maybe” expresses uncertainty, not agreement. A shared interest gives you something to talk about; it never replaces ongoing consent. Your results do not predict the quality or future of the relationship.

Understand what you are sharing

Your partner does not receive your complete answer sheet. Shared results can still reveal something about your preferences through overlap, especially when either person is open to many possibilities. Limited disclosure does not guarantee complete anonymity.

• Am I comfortable with what the shared results can reveal?
• Do I understand the difference between my private return link and my partner’s invitation?
• Have I checked how long answers and results are kept?
• Do we both understand the choices around saving, revoking access and deleting our own participation?

You can use an alias without creating an account. Keep your private return link to yourself, and use the handoff control if you share a device. Screenshots and copies made outside the service cannot be recalled.

• Understand privacy, private links and retention ↗

Leave room for the conversation afterwards

An alignment captures your expectations at the time you submit. Submitted answers and the chosen scope are fixed; start a new alignment if you want to compare changed answers or a different scope. A result can leave questions open, and either person can decide that a difference does not work for them.

Before beginning, you might say, “Let’s use this to understand each other, with no expectation that we act on a shared interest.” If either person would rather talk without an alignment, respect that choice.